Strategic Writing

Here is what a military analyst wrote about the U.S. forces in Iraq in 2003:

A. During the advance on Baghdad, senior Marine and Army field commanders had many significant interdependent variables to contemplate in addition to the capability and intent of the Iraqi forces before them. In order to maintain both the velocity and operational tempo of their highly mobile forces located across a wide battlespace, the subject of fuel was an ever-present consideration. Much time, energy, and continuous analysis was put into determining when, or if, a culminating point would be reached due to this vital resource.

Here is what that expert could have written:

B. While US field commanders advanced on Baghdad, they worried not only about what Iraqi forces could do and intended. They also had to move their highly mobile forces across a wide battlespace; so they worried constantly about fuel. They continuously analyzed supply and use variables to learn when their fuel would run out.

The A version sound impressive, but the B version communicates. Impressing someone may be a tactic; but communicating clearly is a strategy for long-term success.

Writing the B version requires a few skills you did not learn in college. You can learn these skills from Dr. Rosemary Camilleri in a course called Clear Sentences. Choose to learn online, at http://camsems.com, or in a workshop.

Questions? Contact me, Rosemary, at rosemary@camsems.com.

Best regards,

Rosemary