Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Short Before Long

"None of the ingestions resulted in more than moderate clinical effects or death."

So reads the final sentence of an abstract in the journal Human Clinical Toxicology. That sentence illustrates the pitfalls of writing a series whose first item consists of many words. Readers are not sure where the "trunk" of the sentence ends. Is the trunk of the sentence "None of the ingestions resulted in more than"?

If so, then ingesting the substance never caused more than death.

Is the trunk of the sentence "None of the ingestions resulted in more than moderate"? If so, then ingesting the substance never caused more than moderate death.

Is the trunk of the sentence "None of the ingestions resulted in"? If so, then ingesting the substance never resulted in death or in more than moderate clinical effects--which would have been a good way to write the sentence.

When a series ends a sentence, it is wise to order that series from short item(s) to long.

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