Or online at writingsems.com

In the header of this blog, I included a sentence fragment. I wrote
"…Rosemary Camilleri teaches writing to your people, at your site. Or online at http://writingsems.com."

That last group of words is not a sentence. It's acceptable in advertising (sometimes) in order to drive home a point. But fragments are not a good habit.

You have seen other fragments:

1. Whatever the carpenter specified in the contract.

#1 above is called a subordinate clause. (Clauses are meaningful word groups that contain at least a subject and its verb.)

Subordinate clauses begin with certain conjunctions (and conjunction-like words or phrases). Here are most of them:

The List
after, before, since, until, although, how, so that, when (whenever), as, if, that, which, where (wherever), in order that, though, whether, as if, as though, once, what (whatever), while, because, provided, given, unless, why, who (whoever), whom

If you have written a clause, and it begins with one of those words, you cannot correctly end it with a period. It is only a subordinate clause:

2. Although Ali drives a gray car
is a subordinate clause. To be correct, it must be joined by an independent clause:

3. Although Ali drives a gray car, he also owns a red one.
4. Ali owns a red car, although he drives a gray car.

5. Because Ali drives a gray car, I sometimes forget that he owns a red one.
6. I sometimes forget that Ali owns a red car because he drives a gray one.

When the "because" clause shifts to the end, do you notice what happens to the comma?

Power Verbs

Perhaps you already practice correct grammar and punctuation. You want to escalate your writing skills. May I suggest you enlarge your vocabulary of verbs?

I try to use the most precise verb for what I mean. So, in whatever I must read anyway, I notice verbs — especially ones I would not readily use. I jot them down. By learning them in context, I absorb their usage and nuances.

The most precise verb is the best:

Not great: Joe Bloggs will focus on arrival policy.

Better: Joe Bloggs will specify how a new policy will encourage employees to arrive on time.

These sentences contain vivid, precise verbs:

Bank of America's reserves dwindled.
If the policy lapses, the insurer need not renew it.
Behind every obstacle there lurks an opportunity.
Unfortunately, I dithered for two days; and finally, Lee rescinded his offer.

Strategic Writing

Here is what a military analyst wrote about the U.S. forces in Iraq in 2003:

A. During the advance on Baghdad, senior Marine and Army field commanders had many significant interdependent variables to contemplate in addition to the capability and intent of the Iraqi forces before them. In order to maintain both the velocity and operational tempo of their highly mobile forces located across a wide battlespace, the subject of fuel was an ever-present consideration. Much time, energy, and continuous analysis was put into determining when, or if, a culminating point would be reached due to this vital resource.

Here is what that expert could have written:

B. While US field commanders advanced on Baghdad, they worried not only about what Iraqi forces could do and intended. They also had to move their highly mobile forces across a wide battlespace; so they worried constantly about fuel. They continuously analyzed supply and use variables to learn when their fuel would run out.

The A version sound impressive, but the B version communicates. Impressing someone may be a tactic; but communicating clearly is a strategy for long-term success.

Writing the B version requires a few skills you did not learn in college. You can learn these skills from Dr. Rosemary Camilleri in a course called Clear Sentences. Choose to learn online, at http://camsems.com, or in a workshop.

Questions? Contact me, Rosemary, at rosemary@camsems.com.

Best regards,

Rosemary

Corporate Thank-you Notes

A gracious note of thanks can distinguish you from your competition. But how many ways can you say “thanks” before the clichés pall? Here are four ideas for corporate thank-you notes.

1. If you don't have any firsthand knowledge about the individual you are thanking, you can

* Discover something about them or their work OR
* Thank them by describing in some detail
- the gift or what they did for you AND/OR
- the impact it had on you and your work group

The secret to describing in detail is using vivid verbs. Describe the gift or favor, and/or how it helped you, as vividly as you can. For example, instead of writing, "Thank you for filling our order promptly," you might write:

“We received our order only 48 hours after we e-mailed it to you. Even more importantly, because we had the display components, we could assemble the project on time and present it to our clients at their annual convention. We impressed them; and you have impressed us. Thank you.”

Notice those verbs: assemble, present, impress.

2. If you are a salesperson who must thank a potential client after every sales call, you need not resort to remarks about the weather or generic compliments. Enliven the note by alluding to something that happened while you met with this person.

Dear Lee:

It was a pleasure to meet you Wednesday. I’m still marveling at how you conversed so easily in Spanish with the waiter at Lucy’s El Adobe.

Thank you for giving me the chance to show you our line of parts for the RX-2. I appreciate your needs for continuity and I’m looking forward to demonstrating that we at Acme can....

3. A handwritten thank-you note is a mark of personal favor.
Always use the finest paper. (You can order note cards embossed with your name or initials at a department store or stationery store.) Write with a good pen, either a fountain pen or one of the better roller-balls, and use blue ink to distinguish your writing from printed copy. Put a heavily lined grid under the stationery to keep your lines straight. And write legibly.

4. If you are an executive, or you write for an executive, you may wish to use executive stationery for business thank-you letters. U.S. executive stationery is 7.5” x 10” (19 cm x 25.4 cm); the inside address appears at the end of the letter; and it is well-suited to thanking business associates for personal or social favors.

Examples of thank-you notes can be found on websites and in books:

Letitia Baldrige's Complete Guide to Executive Manners (1985) NY: Rawson Associates, pp. 120-127

Webster’s Guide to Business Correspondence 2nd ed. (1996) Springfield, MA: Merriam Webster. pp. 300-305.

Online classes in writing

In early 2009, I begin offering my first all-online writing classes at a new site, http://www.camsems.com.

WriteWell-1 is an introduction to academic writing for graduate and advanced undergrad students, especially in the helping professions.

Its sequel is WriteWell-2: Coherence and Persuasion (C&P). C&P is also a standalone class for any writer who wants to construct paragraphs that are lean, precise, and persuasive. The third class will be WriteWell-3: The Clear Sentence. More classes will follow.

I never realized how an online class could enrich learning. Students will be interacting most of the time, they receive my immediate feedback, and they can query me privately any time. Best of all, they can learn at their own pace, whenever their schedule permits.

For about $150, students will have access to a class for 60 days. Query privileges extend, as my students know, for life.

When a Noun Becomes a Verb: The New American Presidency

Arguably the most difficult, but perhaps the most powerful, lesson I teach is the lesson about clarifying a sentence. To clarify a single sentence, we list the actions it mentions, and we try to turn more of them into verbs. But why? How does a change differ from He changed x?

A vivid example of that difference appears in the American presidency today. President-Elect Barack Obama promised "change"--as a noun. Many Americans voted for "change" as a noun.

But when an action lives in a noun, each hearer of that noun supplies (or fails to supply) the doer of the change and the entities that are changed.

A few Americans assumed that Mr. Obama would change what they expected. Like presidents-elect before him, he would change the executive branch to a panel of his political supporters.

But Mr. Obama is changing something deeper. Already, in his political appointments, he is changing the way a president "runs" the executive branch. He is changing the presidency from an executive branch that answers "How can I implement my politics smoothly?" to an executive branch that answers "How can we best benefit America and the world?"

Change as a noun becomes change as a verb. Let's watch Mr. Obama and his very diverse team change the world.

Mr. Obama's Speech: A More Perfect Union

On March 18, 2008, then-Senator Barack Obama made a speech that is already a piece of rhetorical history. I urge you to read it. You can access it, in video and in print, at

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/18/obama-race-speech-read-th_n_92077.html

The audio-and-video of the speech is available at the American Rhetoric Society
americanrhetoric.com. It will be remembered by the ages.

Against Plagiarism

Plagiarism is passing off someone else's ideas or materials as your own, or failing to credit their owner properly.  Can you identify plagiarism in words and pictures?  To find out, take a ten-minute online quiz designed by  Ted Frick at Indiana University in Bloomington:

http://www.indiana.edu/~tedfrick/plagiarism/index2.html

Zotero

Do you write research papers with more than three references? If so, you probably use or need software that manages your bibliography (or, as we call it in APA style, your reference list).

There is a free software package called Zotero. To quote the Zotero.org web page,

"Zotero (zoh TAIR oh) is a free, easy-to-use Firefox extension to help you collect, manage, and cite your research sources. It lives right where you do your work—in the web browser itself. Zotero requires Firefox 2.0 or 3.0, Netscape Navigator 9.0, or Flock 0.9.1 for Windows, Mac, or Linux."

It might be worth trying.

If It's Removable, Put It Between Commas

A bank official replied to a prospective client, and with the reply enclosed an annual report.  Unfortunately, the official wrote this sentence:

I am enclosing an annual report that shows we are debt-free.

The dependent clause "that shows we are debt-free" is not separated by a comma.  That lack of separation implies that the clause is essential to describe which annual report is being sent. Are there others? Those reports may tell a different financial story!

Conclusion: if the descriptive word(s) are removable (redundant), then use a comma or a pair of commas to set them apart from the sentence.  To imply the bank's integrity, the bank official could have written this sentence:

I am enclosing an annual report, which shows we are debt-free.

Personally, I would have gone on to make the sentence even more precise:

I am enclosing our latest annual report, which shows that we are debt-free.

Unnecessary Colons

A colon announces that something--a series, a restatement, or an explanatory equivalent--will follow and end the sentence. However, do not use a colon when the final word itself implies that something will follow.

Wrong - The Valeria Line is carried in: department stores, men's stores, and on Valeria's own Web site.

Right - The Valeria line is carried in department stores, men's stores, and on Valeria's own Web site.

Wrong - The two files were: created separately, named differently, but backed up on the same hard disk.

Right - The two files were created separately, named differently, but backed up on the same hard disk.

Singulars and Plurals

We all know that when a subject (noun or pronoun) is singular, its verb sometimes takes a special ending.  For example, Dave watches football games.  

When the subject is plural, its verb must match or "agree with" it.  For example, Dave's friends watch football games. 

If writers break this agreement rule, they are judged unskilled.  

But sometimes it isn't clear whether the subject noun is singular or plural.  In one such exception, the subject is called a collective noun.  Take "family."  It looks singular.  But if the writer means the family as separate individuals, the correct verb may not end in -s:  The family watch different TV programs in each of their three living rooms.

Other collective nouns are "team," "staff," and "herd."  

In the world of subject-verb agreement, another exception is those plural-looking words that express a singular concept:

The last 12 months has been particularly ugly.

Hear how Yahoo! Groups has changed the lives of others.

The woods is the last place they would go.

 

Finally, there are the idiomatic pronouns that seem plural in meaning but are used as singulars:   Everybody is waiting.   Everyone is at home.  

Every person is different.  All people are different. 

I have this many pencils.  

In language, custom trumps logic. 

Health Care, Health-care, or Healthcare?

Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary (2003) says that health care is two words when used as a noun.  It is hyphenated when used as an adjective (as in health-care providers). 

In U.S. English, hyphenating a multiple-word adjective is standard practice unless the dictionary rules otherwise. 

However, many U.S. writers, including corporate writers, have started using healthcare as one word.  For example, one of my early clients was the Metropolitan Chicago Healthcare Council.  Another (now functioning under another name) was called Healthcare Compare. 

U.S. dictionaries are compiled by lexicographers who survey how we write and speak in both public and private discourse.  As a result,  in the next edition (2013), Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary may well list healthcare.  To write the adjective healthcare now is, perhaps, to be ahead of your time. To write the phrase health-care providers is safe.

Business Writing and Proofreading

"Today, Hyatt Hotels & Resorts ® specialize in deluxe hotels with meeting facilities and special services for the business traveler, operates in hotels in major and secondary cities, airport locations, and leading resort areas throughout the world."

That "sentence" should make its writer blush.  But it is typical of the errors that creep into electronic text today.   Someone changes one part of a sentence and fails to reengineer the entire sentence correctly.  

In order to catch those errors before they tarnish the corporate image, firms are offering my workshops to their writers.  And we are nearly all writers because e-mail is the lifeblood of business. 

Grammar & Proofreading

or 

The Impeccable Page

taught by Rosemary Camilleri     CSeminar@uic.edu

The Noun Assumes; the Verb Explains

The following sentence puzzled me:

"The investment account should have been [cashed in] second, given a long-term tax rate versus the traditional income tax liability."

That sentence advises a retiree when to draw from her investment account.  But that advice gets an "explanation" that fails to explain.  The "given that..." phrase assumes that every reader instantly knows which is greater: "long-term tax rate" or "traditional income tax liability."    

If the noun "tax" became a verb, the new sentence would explain the writer's rationale:

The investment account should have been cashed in second, because the U.S. government taxes long-term investment gains at a lower rate than it taxes other income. 

Simple English on the Web

There are many educational websites that instruct users in correct English.  The simplest, most user-friendly site I know is the updated one at

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/

All too many English websites are written in the wordy, pompously humorous style that has afflicted us (English educators) for generations.  The OWL site cuts through the clever rhetoric and goes right to the essentials.  It includes a section for learners of English as a foreign language.  It even covers the social aspects of academic writing, including e-mail etiquette for professors and students. 

The Whodunit Rule?

People who sign up for my writing classes often expect English Composition. But my classes (except those with Grammar in their titles) present principles that come from modern linguistic research. One such principle (the DAD Rule) will remain in my repertoire, but with a slight tweak that arises from a 2008 study at the University of Chicago.

If you have taken my class titled The Clear Sentence, you know that humans best understand sentences (out of context) when the sentences present a Doer before its Action, and then, if applicable, a Done-To. (I replace "Assessments were done" with "Dr. Jones assessed the patient.") However, a study will soon appear in the journal of the National Academy of Sciences and suggest that, while people preferred Doers first, most of them chose the Done-To next, and then the Action.  They chose this information order to arrange situations whether they believed their arrangement would affect the final presentation order or not. 

The researchers, a team that involves veteran psycholinguist Susan Goldin-Meadow, wanted to see whether the word order in the participant's native language governed the participant's preference for arranging concepts. So their study included participants from English and Chinese, languages that arrange words usually in SVO or subject, verb, and object order.  But the study also included native speakers of Turkish, which follows an SOV order.  

I have long taught this principle of sentence clarity as the DAD Rule: Doer, Action, Done-To. What stands the test of research is this principle: 

When you seek clarity within a sentence, name the Doer in the grammatical subject.  And do so often.   

Perhaps I should call it the Whodunit Rule.  

Taking Minutes of Meetings - distance learning

Rosemary Camilleri offers a distance-learning course (coaching style) in Taking Minutes of Meetings.

You tell me what kind of meeting you wish to record. I tailor a short manual to your needs, and we use telephone and Internet to interact. I share tips and techniques with you, answer your questions, and go over your draft minutes with you until your first two meetings are successfully recorded.

Minute taking is a skill in high demand. It is not taught at U. S. schools and colleges. I've been doing it for decades, and I will share my skills with you.

Don't Break Up Your Breakup

English contains many two-part verbs: they mean something special when a preposition or adverb follows. For example, We will break up that large rock.

When we turn that two-part verb into a noun (the breakup) or an adjective (the breakup process), we write it as either hyphenated or as one word. A good dictionary shows which.

Verb: It runs on. Noun: That's a run-on. Adjective: a run-on sentence

Verb: I am paid up. Noun: [not a noun] Adjective: a paid-up account

Verb: I put it on. Noun: It's a put-on, a joke. Adjective: a put-on accent

Verb: I pick it up. Noun: An 8:00 pickup Adjective: a pickup game

Verb: I'll take off. Noun: The plane's takeoff Adjective: a takeoff delay

Verb: You set it up. Noun: Directions for setup Adjective: a setup deadline

Verb: Look out! Noun: He's our lookout. Adjective: the lookout perch

Verb: Pay off the loan. Noun: Here's the payoff. Adjective: the payoff amount
Verb: I run away. Noun: He's a runaway. Adjective: runaway inflation

Pronounce English Correctly

Here's a website (or do you write Web site?) that will pronounce English words for you:

www.howjsay.com

Type in the word and click on "submit."
Wait until the word turns up in pink, and hear it pronounced by a dignified, rather British voice.

I went to howjsay.com for pronunciations of two words that trouble me: kilometer and forte.
For kilometer, the voice gave me both pronunciations: accent on -o- and accent accent on kil-.

For forte, I learned that the word has one syllable only when we use it about a sword blade. Forte is a French word, and in French it has one syllable. Nevertheless, I suppose that two syllables prevail because English speakers have been saying for-tay to distinguish forte from fort.