Or online at writingsems.com

In the header of this blog, I included a sentence fragment. I wrote
"…Rosemary Camilleri teaches writing to your people, at your site. Or online at http://writingsems.com."

That last group of words is not a sentence. It's acceptable in advertising (sometimes) in order to drive home a point. But fragments are not a good habit.

You have seen other fragments:

1. Whatever the carpenter specified in the contract.

#1 above is called a subordinate clause. (Clauses are meaningful word groups that contain at least a subject and its verb.)

Subordinate clauses begin with certain conjunctions (and conjunction-like words or phrases). Here are most of them:

The List
after, before, since, until, although, how, so that, when (whenever), as, if, that, which, where (wherever), in order that, though, whether, as if, as though, once, what (whatever), while, because, provided, given, unless, why, who (whoever), whom

If you have written a clause, and it begins with one of those words, you cannot correctly end it with a period. It is only a subordinate clause:

2. Although Ali drives a gray car
is a subordinate clause. To be correct, it must be joined by an independent clause:

3. Although Ali drives a gray car, he also owns a red one.
4. Ali owns a red car, although he drives a gray car.

5. Because Ali drives a gray car, I sometimes forget that he owns a red one.
6. I sometimes forget that Ali owns a red car because he drives a gray one.

When the "because" clause shifts to the end, do you notice what happens to the comma?

Power Verbs

Perhaps you already practice correct grammar and punctuation. You want to escalate your writing skills. May I suggest you enlarge your vocabulary of verbs?

I try to use the most precise verb for what I mean. So, in whatever I must read anyway, I notice verbs — especially ones I would not readily use. I jot them down. By learning them in context, I absorb their usage and nuances.

The most precise verb is the best:

Not great: Joe Bloggs will focus on arrival policy.

Better: Joe Bloggs will specify how a new policy will encourage employees to arrive on time.

These sentences contain vivid, precise verbs:

Bank of America's reserves dwindled.
If the policy lapses, the insurer need not renew it.
Behind every obstacle there lurks an opportunity.
Unfortunately, I dithered for two days; and finally, Lee rescinded his offer.

Strategic Writing

Here is what a military analyst wrote about the U.S. forces in Iraq in 2003:

A. During the advance on Baghdad, senior Marine and Army field commanders had many significant interdependent variables to contemplate in addition to the capability and intent of the Iraqi forces before them. In order to maintain both the velocity and operational tempo of their highly mobile forces located across a wide battlespace, the subject of fuel was an ever-present consideration. Much time, energy, and continuous analysis was put into determining when, or if, a culminating point would be reached due to this vital resource.

Here is what that expert could have written:

B. While US field commanders advanced on Baghdad, they worried not only about what Iraqi forces could do and intended. They also had to move their highly mobile forces across a wide battlespace; so they worried constantly about fuel. They continuously analyzed supply and use variables to learn when their fuel would run out.

The A version sound impressive, but the B version communicates. Impressing someone may be a tactic; but communicating clearly is a strategy for long-term success.

Writing the B version requires a few skills you did not learn in college. You can learn these skills from Dr. Rosemary Camilleri in a course called Clear Sentences. Choose to learn online, at http://camsems.com, or in a workshop.

Questions? Contact me, Rosemary, at rosemary@camsems.com.

Best regards,

Rosemary